It’s hard to admit this, but with so many worthier things to grieve,  I’m  feeling sad about the loss of my food processor. Big Oskar’s death after a 20-plus year run has precipitated a major time management crisis.

In the beginning, he was my personal protest against the Cuisinart, which was so expensive that I would have given myself a life sentence to a paring knife. Cheap, easy to clean and easy to run, he outlived the company that made him (Sunbeam) by several years and would still be chopping onions in record time if I hadn’t dropped his lid.

His death has prompted an eBay obsession, as I scour the listings for a replacement. I gleefully ordered one, only to find that the $20 bargain was in fact his little brother, the Oskar Jr., the two-cup model that my mother used to own. Using an Oskar Jr. to cook for a crowd is like mowing an acre with a hand mower.

In desperation, I’ve tried Black & Decker’s bargain Cuisinart clone, which takes 20 minutes to unlock, another 20 to clean, and has blades so wicked that I keep my health care power of attorney right by the instruction book.

Hopefully, someone soon will clean out a parent’s basement, find a Big Oskar sleeping in the corner, and put “this old thing” up for bid. Meanwhile, I’m joining the simplification movement and attacking those veggies with a paring knife. It frees up time for eBay.